The only way I can do something is by contradicting myself.
Contradicting myself to the point where I don't want to do anything.
At the point where anxiety take over and grips my throat and my mind overdoses on hatred towards the world.
At the tipping point of letting go when the person that's holding me is me.
My mind can be at a blank and then out of nowhere it can feel like it needs to overdose on Adderall because it can't shut up -- when the only thing I'm trying to do is to look for a moment where anxiety doesn't take up every existence of my brain.