we're all eating stuff
that will probably **** ourselves
earlier than expected

but why would I care about that
if I already smoke as much as I do?

you take pills so you don't hate yourself
they turn you
into a faceless zombie
with no expressions
or feelings

you take pills so you don't **** yourself
but even so
there's no longer a smile on your face
or energy in your bones
to go out and meet people and do stuff
as you used to
back when we met

seasons change as fast as my hair grows
and I slowly grow older
smaller
thinner

eventually I'll lose my meaning to you
as you have already lost to yourself
we'll all grow tired of each other
as quickly as we once grew fond

and when our strength to love ourselves is no longer present
- probably prior to the end of the next year
maybe we can finally do what we think about
when we're alone at night:
to **** ourselves so we don't hate ourselves