"Does that make you an alcoholic?"
"Well, yeah. Technically, I guess."
"Then I'm gonna stop you
From drinking tonight, to try to help."

She then proceeded to hold my arms down
and one naked, lovely thing happened after another
and I might have slammed her head into the wall
on accident and she passed out for about a half hour
and I drank all of my beer in that short window
and then we woke up and she said,

"Why does my head hurt so much,
and what happened last night?"
"I dunno, we were about to **** again,
but you fell asleep."

"At least you didn't drink."