If I only could, I would become The Marlboro Man. (You know, the one from those old advertisements)

In my two dimensional prairie I would ****** my horse through canyons and make out with cigarettes.
There would be nothing behind my gaze.

But before long my sharp billboard eyes would see the desperate old face in the sky, still trusting, willing me on for one last time.

So then I'd slump into some 2D shack and drink myself to death.
People would gather around and say "He was a bad sort, wasn't he?
They say he was impotent."