i grew tired of haunting
the girl?
that i used to be

banging pots and pans
in the middle of the night
so many sleepless hours trying to
find a name for what
for how
i felt

this was one waiting game
i was not willing to wait out
perched at the end of
my little twin bed
watching a younger version
of myself toss and turn
sweating out the nightmares

that constant question of why
and how long would this last
keeping my dentist in business
with all those hairline stress fractures
in my clenched jaw
teeth splintered into something sharper

but never sharp enough
to gnaw through the
trapped and infected limb
that was feeling stuck
in a body that was not mine
and maybe never had been?

i waited for that little girl
to wake up in the body of
a young man

i waited for her to
open his eyes in the
dawn of a new day
and be coming home
into this body
into himself

and i am so glad i did