you have to face it: you are getting tired of your boyfriend especially when he sings along to the radio your smile is cut open, you are daydreaming through the midwest your friend looking a little too hard you touch your boyfriend’s jeans just slightly.
her mouth is cut open, and you can feel her red hair spreading through you like a fever you were always tired of her boyfriend and you are already tired of los angeles and you are only in texas.
you’ve been here for three days and the earth shakes with ******* and gold bikinis. you sip a harvey wallbanger and watch people **** in the fountain and you resent your boyfriend you cross your legs. you study the greek myths, holding a cigarette.
her name is roxanne and her mouth is a vase of red flowers standing in the kitchen of your connecticut home when you are thirteen and everyone is still alive she is wearing black and so are you.
you’ve never been ****** before. the sun pushes through swelling flowers towards the bar. you can’t stop blinking when he leans into you, you giggle like a mouse in a minidress and uncross your legs, slowly like you learned about in the magazines.
you’re wondering how much coke one person can do in one night (a lot) but it’s not you, and the red fills the room and you have benzodiazepine in your pocket and you think about the word “calamity” calm, or not? what is the music industry? you have started to sleep face down and you keep the flowers close at night and in the morning.
you’ve been kissing the sun with your mouth open so your boyfriend does a stage dive on national television from 30 ft up and the red fills the room.
when you are invited to his house you want to say no but instead you dress in silks and take peyote, or LSD roxanne drifts, laureled, around the ceilings the host is drooling mad words all over the candles. they’re not going out and neither are you.
do you deserve half a million dollars, or are you just telling yourself that?
roxanne doesn’t feel the gun in her mouth until it’s going off and she can see you outside on the beach building your dream house out of sand- but only for a second.
obviously, you didn’t think you’d ever love your boyfriend again but he relearned to walk and you think it’s admirable and strong, and brave you’re the only one that los angeles didn’t swallow
by this time, the sun is going out the blood around her mouth like a vase of flowers on the kitchen table give it a minute, you’ll be gone too.