I don't think that she believes she's beautiful.
I mentioned
Under the influence of alcohol
Under a flood of familial emotion
That she's always been the pretty one.
It wasn't meant as a compliment
Just something to cheer her up.
A reminder.
Facts are not compliments.
But her reaction astounds me
Confuses me.
How could she not know?
Every woman has doubts
Self esteem issues
Different thoughts on beauty
But I always thought she was the base
And therefore knew all.
But I guess she doesn't.

She's always been a beacon of normalcy
The lighthouse I aim for
When I try to socialize
When I try to look acceptable.
I know I can't reach her level
But she is what I aim for.
My petite
Thin
Blonde
Beautiful sister.
Funny
Intelligent
Easy going.
She's always had friends
And boys
And a life I never even thought I could achieve.
Not because it was particularly amazing
But because it was so beautifully normal.
She is what I've always tried to become
And always known that I could never measure up to.

What's this mean for me now?