I’ve spent years stuck in limbo
Wanting to move forward,
Break through to the other side
Claim my vitality
But I was scared
Not scared— terrified
To leave my old ways
Those old ways that held me in a protective container
Shielding me from the senseless pain of living

It’s not that I didn’t have courage before
I’ve tried so many ways to heal,
But maybe those ways were inauthentic
Leading me to seek salvation by external means,
In an array of distractions
But nothing could fill me
The way I am filled
When I choose to open to life
Without a guarded veil skewing my perception
When I choose to love myself
In both my pain and my glory

Why do I feel like this times different?
I’m not sure
Maybe I’m just being truer to myself this time
Following the flow of my healing
Easing into it
Letting it just be, and receiving it
All the support and love
Is like a buoy that keeps me afloat
Maybe this time is different
Because this time I’m convinced
That I deserve better
Than what I’ve settled for all my life
I’m ready to take responsibility for my life
And change.