you tickled me like a sore throat tickles the idea of sickness.
you grabbed my throat like you were grasping for something on the top shelf you couldn't quite reach.
you put yourself inside me as though you were shoving everything into a suitcase after a vacation.
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do you think that spoke to you?
was that pretty?
did it radiate the constellations you see in your trauma?
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oh, sweet jesus i hope the **** not.
i hope you were uncomfortable.
i have this insecure faith in the world that you squirmed at the idea of trauma being talked about so aesthetically.
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when i was assaulted the first four times, i RADIATED hurt, pain, discomfort, and needed the numbness to survive.
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you shouldn't need numbness to survive pain.
but, it's so understandable.
if you break your leg, you get pain relievers for the break.
if you are in surgery, you get a sedative
you're not expected to stay awake for the pain.
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so why do we need to be awake for the trauma?