I hate these times.
Sitting around a pile of boxes.
With all of the broken promises looming in the air.
Where, we believed we were invincible.
We believed that we were each others forever.
So long ago, and the haunting nights I sat alone.
Just waiting for it to come back to us.
Waiting for our light to come back to us.
But with blow after blow, you flew away.
And I lost a piece of me with every tear.
All those things that once were,
The life we had planned. Gone.
I am too hurt to face the truth, I'll never be the same.
I lost myself in your hatred towards me.
I gave myself away, so here is my shell.
And it's not a lot left.
Everything I was, sorry I lost it.
My spark faded out as the heartbreak took over.
Insecurities and fake emotions to cover the stabbing pain that never leaves.
I slept with someone,
Who said nice things and made me feel somewhat ok.
We both know though, that was only an escape from the endless taunting screaming in my head.
It's gone, what we had.
It's all gone, no matter what you say now.
I can't erase what you said and did to her.
I can't fill the emptiness.
Sitting here, staring at you, staring into the eyes
Of the most intense raw pain I have ever felt.
Is far too much.
Faking and lying to him is too.
I can't care about anyone.
Look at me, I'm running on fumes.
I had the zest for life,
The wanting to give affection bled out of me.
Every night I cried alone in bed.
I'd call, beg for you to love me.
If you were here, you would walk right by.
That, I'll never forget.
The first pain of knowing you could care about someone else, was shattering.
The pain that followed as piece by piece I lost my dignity trying to get it to be me you loved.
When you would walk by, look at me as just a nuisance, a pathetic worthless sub standard human.
That's what remains, the pain outweighs it all.
The pain of losing the thing I believed in the most.
I can't have you, and you poisoned most of me.
So here is what is left,
A broken woman who will never believe in anything again.
Hides her pain in something that grabs her attention for a minute.
And boxes, some kids clothes on the floor.
Broken picture frames, shattered dreams.
When I sit here you can smell the hatred you had for me.
The walls almost drip with my blood.
I still wake up when I can sleep, alone.
Waiting for more pain, or waiting for it to finish me off.
It shouldn't have ended, or maybe it should have never begun.