You interest me.
If only I could have come to my senses sooner.
If only I choose quality over distance.
If only I would have looked In front of me.
If only i had gotten sober sooner,
or never became an addict at all.

You simply fascinate me with every part of your soul.
It makes me sad to know that you and I will never work out now.
It makes me sad to know that ******* you,
is the only way I can get close to you again.
It makes me sad that I think sometimes and almost believe,
that you just are using me.

You make me want to learn about your life.
I want to hear about your job.
I want to hear about your day.

I want to hear about the struggles and the ups and downs.
What happened with your car.
Why did you stop wearing your cross?
I want to hear it all.

You always made me happy,
and always took care of me.
Even though I was just a friend.
Even though I lead you on.
Even though I never told you how I feel.
Even though I didn't deserve your support, or help.

You make me want to love you,
but you will never love me.
For my mistakes.
For my imperfections.
For myself.

I am unsure how to feel.
I feel like I need to explain myself,
but don't know where to start or what to say.

I am to scared to push you away again.
I'm scared of ******* up.
I'm scared of it all.

But you also make me feel at peace,
while I'm also now anxious,
wanting to know what you think.
But you also never tell me how you feel or anyone really.

I want to know you.
All of you.
I want you to know who I really am.
Not the idea you have of me currently.