Pictures of pain I don’t think I’ll ever leave behind
Razor blades, blood in the sink, left for me to find
On the other side of a door I wish I had never opened
Binging, hiding scars, laughing to keep silence something far
Like a slasher film, a fly landing on my nose
Maybe if I don’t move no one will notice
In a corner, shadows hide bags under eyes
Noise keeps the memories away
Why do I see only pain
Seizures, needles, some by choice
I’ll make time for you, maybe to give myself some semblance of value
Trying to turn around, acting as if I have power, have a voice
What more is there to be said, good moments mostly bad days
Why is it I can’t seem to forget what I want to
Why are images continually flashing, some last longer and seem to haunt
Trying to paint a smile on my face
Life is homework, desperate, only trying to pass, failure even in A’s
I hope these years will be forgotten soon
The fears, the exhaustion, I want it all to end
Longing for rest, continually restless
Where is purpose and why is it a tangled mess, yarn in a heap, somehow no one sees
Why?
It’s a strange thing
To want to forget, and yet the pain that comes when someone forgets
Forgets
How easy to be forgotten, how hard to forget?
How does it matter so much and yet?
Does it all matter
Endless effort to look effortless
Confidence to hide fear and self hatred, but if no one sees can I still call myself a success?


I’m sorry
Oh sorry
Inconvenience
Sorry
Again, sorry