This new room does not hold me like the old one once did Lacking the cracks in the walls to count and memorize And the old children's stickers peeling up at the corners on the baseboards But it's mine, and I'm on my own just like I've always wanted (Right?) A cupboard, a fridge full Yet all of the food rots away like my insides As I'm laying in bed at night Fluttering my lids at every sound At every footstep Of a reminiscent spirit that clenches at my chest and pulls me back into this godforsaken bed Where I grasp aimlessly at dreams out of reach No longer dreading waking before the sun rises for work But relieved to leave the heaviness these blankets. People say I look good, I seem like I have my energy back Did you lose some weight? (yes) And words come pouring out of my mouth so quickly they trip over each other desperately (I am desperate) And I lie I tell my mom, I'm sorry I've been so busy When I haven't left this house leisurely in weeks And she can clearly see the dark concaves under my eyes. My mom gifts me food to take home And I have to deny Knowing I'll be unable to eat it Unable to fill this body so hollow And now so frail.