I guess it would be easier to go through life with zero regrets but some things are worth regretting. We sincerely try our best to keep from making the same mistake over and over again... but our mistakes never really leave us do they?

I guess that would be just too easy if we could just move on. perhaps then I wouldn't dwell on the past mistakes that mean more to me than they mean to anyone else. Maybe I would return to feet and stop begging forgiveness from a person that has since forgotten my name and everything my name once meant. It's starting to make sense that I never needed her forgiveness I just needed to forgive myself.

Perhaps I can let go of the resentment I held for the only one that I let get close enough to matter and in return she became the only one I would let hurt me. I think holding this guard up against anyone who tries to get close just leaves me alone at the end of the day.

I suppose it's a tad late to fix a lot of things that I myself have broken... such is life. but I guess I'm getting to a point in which trying to be a better person isn't terrifying... not saying I am ready to become that better person... but I think I'm getting there...