I was never a simple person but I craved simplicity like I craved my grandmother's strawberry jam I loved school, whistling and everything taller than me They reminded me of my father I hated screen doors, cracks in pavement and goodbyes When I was four he left me all those tainted things but I loved him
Four years later my mother asked me what I wanted for Christmas I told her I needed a baby brother I used to spend every night while he slept at his feet When I was eleven, my mother moved us to a new city There were a million games of cops and robbers and my first boyfriend, Spencer He had blond hair and eyes so blue they put my brother's to shame He told me he loved me under an oak tree kissed my cheek and got so red in the face I thought he was going to burst
My mother was in University and had the softest piano hands Her eyes were glossy from all her tears I collected them in my jewellery box heart There were rust on my edges and hers I was a rusty by product of drunk unintentions A mathematic, scientific accident Not a young mother with high hopes and goodluck
On Sunday afternoons I played hopscotch on my babysitters driveway, I was nine On Sunday evenings he brought me to his secret lair He'd secretly touch me in all my secret places I hated him I think he hated me too
When I was six, I wanted to be a teacher Ten years later, a man with a medical degree told me I couldn't have babies I couldn't look at another child, so I figured teaching wasn't my best option Plus, I've never been a fan of teaching children not to make a mess I spent my whole life making sure it wasn't messy
When I was fourteen, I wanted to run away I wanted to go to Europe with my best friend Oskari he cut his arm and told me he couldn't really bleed he didn't feel anything I wanted to bless him I wanted to read him Jane Austen in an open field Under a single sycamore tree We never made it
When I was seventeen, I ran away I moved in with my father's mother He has her eyes, just like me That same year I met a boy Who rode a stolen steed to my grandma's couch Made love to me all night took on me on walks and sent my heart off to the races He made my life a little simpler