You say its anger turned inwards
I’d agree
But the words are caught in my throat
Like the sobbing yells for help
My jaw is locked down like a cage
For introspective hell

Anger turned inwards
Yeah that sounds about right
Hatred or loathing might
Be more true
So I’ve got anger turned inwards
But I still have so much left
For you

I guess it’s in your job description
Measure my mentality
Pump me up with prescriptions
I’m like Charlie ******* Bartlett
I’m your favorite emotional harlot
Give me five minutes
I’ll make you feel connected
I’ll show you my false trust
And I’ll make you regret it

It feels mechanic
Programmed medicating
When I’m still half asleep
Not conscious enough
To pay attention
To my not so subconscious questions
Asking
Who are you
To tell me
That I need to be fixed

I hold so much resentment
For the time that you spend
Surrounding me
With all the facets of help
That I don’t need
Anger turned inwards
Staining every breath
Heavy panting
Straining with this weight on my chest
Anger turned out
Guilt and blame
Overwhelming shame
Because you taught me to never give up
But there’s nothing I want more
Then to slip up
Trip up
Get so high I’ll never come down
Get so high
To get six feet underground

But then again
I got “better”
I disappeared for three months
And I can’t even remember
Why it was so hard
To stand back up
On my own

Compromise
I’ll comfort your mind
But first
I’ve got to confront my lies
See,
I wanted this
Don’t you ever think otherwise
Of course its for attention
But does that make me not ill?
All I wanted was affection
But here I am
Popping pills

Conflicted
With the concept of sickness
I’ve been so desperate for
Identity
Just to feel ******* special
So insecure and lonely
that to get it I felt
I had to purge out my mortality
Make my self unwell
I lived a lie
Until it was true
I wanted this sickness
Until it was all I knew