I didn't realize I had a problem when I stopped sleeping to dull my mind
Then I took too many pills for the pain everyday
Then I stopped eating.

I wanted my brain to just,,, stop
I wanted the fear and the hurt to stop
But now, everything's stopped.

Everything's stopped and my emotions are just fine
Ghosted
Lost
Gone.

A lot of days I don't even know if I'm actually awake
Numb, numb, numb.

I realized I had a problem when I couldn't remember my family's names.  Or faces.  Or voices.

I want to wake up
I want so badly to just wake up
But the one time I got enough sleep
Didn't take too many meds
Ate something
And made an appointment,
You made me cancel it.

I just want to get out of this haze of gray.

But I know how strong the furniture in my room is
I know how much weight every handle can bear
I've taken to hiding the extension chords out of sight
And I don't own any belts.

I don't want to die
Not when I see a picture of my mom and realize it's been too long since we talked
But I can't keep living this unlife.

I wish i,,,
,,,i just want to,,,
,,,,,,,i just want to sleep,,,,
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but God i wish,,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i wish I could wake up.