how can i make time for friends
when my mom barely gets off the couch
and my sister is crying on the floor
cracking into a million colorful pieces
or time for school
when i have my father's absence to puzzle over
or the complex question
of my very existence
boys? no way
with the memories of my parents screaming
and my father's drunken stumbling
up the stairs, to her room
and more screaming, screaming,
filling my ears
even years later
how can i know how to make something that stays
when the memories of slipping on my boots
in the middle of the night
and creeping out the door
of days spent trying not to rattle the cage
loud enough to wake the monster
how can i stay
when every
single
person
has shown me that it's better to run away?
why would i want anyone
to ever have to deal with me
when i can't even deal with myself
how can i create something that will withstand
the turbulent storms of emotions
that i face every day
when my life has been anything but stable?