every night i softly cry
as i eat an apple, i’ll hope to die
you've left me here, hurting and alone
im waiting for you, but it feels rushed
my bleeding heart slips from my grasp
i run to catch it
but only you can break its fall
and as it hits, I slowly crawl
to you.

and as it happens again,
I think to myself
how effortlessly you charm,
but talent lays in how you harm.
you leave behind scars,
hiding behind your mask,
from the conditions
you had no say in.

but this time
it’s final.
so i’ll continue to  
distract myself
drugs between classes
****** favors to feel something.

because i’m not the person
everyone thinks i am.
and neither were you.
and i think we fooled ourselves
thinking
we could be friends.

because we hurt each other
and apologize
and do it again.
we’re kids who’ve been dealt the ******* hands
and i cope by hurting others.

so ill go back to my drugs instead
and the ******* i promised in an hour
to be able to distract myself from the fact that i
******* hate you
but i hate myself more
because i know i’ll always love you.

and do anything to change it.

i tell myself lies everyday
to make me feel normal.
but as i slowly start to work through my problems
and maybe grow up,
i begin to realize
that
life is not fair
but  i have no right
taking it out on the people that make this world
a better place.

you’ve had some pretty ******* terrible experiences
but you’re amazing nonetheless
so i promise
to work harder
to make this worth it
make me worth it
and make you love me.