here i am
again
awake
alive
no.
is it happening all over again?
my muscles ache as if someone has torn
the fibers,  tied nails to them and replaced me
as a mistreated machine.
there is a blaze in my brain
and no amount of water can
quench its flames
I burn until whats left of me
smokes  out of my ears and allows
me no
oxygen and
i am afraid of truth.
i cannot walk
for my legs have been sewn together
like a deformed doll
i am an ugly misshapen
machine
i run on fear and guilt
and i am afraid of truth.
i cannot write
i cannot get it out
i am inhuman
i am a machine
i feel as though
im dying but
im very well alive
and that is what i fear

the aliveness brings us together
or does it bring us lies
does it bring us its very end
right at the beginning?
should we be afraid?
because i am
i am weak in the knees
help me
i cannot get it out
of me
i scrape and scratch
and will it out
but still, it stays
inside

welcome to me
i am a machine
well-oiled no
but running so

i am crazy
i am beaten
i lie
i cheat
i scream and  cry
i cannot seem to
get by in
this life

is it enough
for me?
for you?
for anyone?