I ******* hate myself more with each day passing.
I lose my sense of understanding.
Internally screaming & bleeding.
Knowing the solutions, the answers...
Yet my best foot forward steps in the right direction, are depleting.
Any moments of pause, stuck thinking. Watching what has become my reality. Leaves me feeling empty.
With nothing but a hollow Soul freezing. Listen as you hear me claim happy.
"This too shall pass, really it's nothing."
You know automatically that it's all bulshit and I'm pretending.
Feel my aura change dramatically...
The nights are days days are nights..all the ******* chaos leaves my head spinning.
But even if only for time spent shortly, with you, the universe's intention,  I could see clearly. Overwhelmed by this feeling.
The stillness, peace and tranquility.
I fought hard temporarily, trying desperately. To feel absolutely nothing.
To show you anything but my heart racing. And my face with its glowing. I didn't want you to see the vulnerable slowly slipping, somehow becoming attached...me.
Against my better judgment, Rebelling.
If I knew then what I know now I'd like to think with you, my hopes dreams and passions, I never would have been sharing.
But **** that denial style living.
Something somewhere decided we needed our paths Crossing.
All this ****, The good the bad and the ugly. I am forcing, myself to start believing.
It was all supposed to be happening even the moments most defeating.
Whoever I am deep within me, bound and determined to keep  forward-moving. Whether you're with me or in memory.