I do it to myself.
stirring and creating the pain
letting tears fall like a gentle rain.  

My mind should be set,
on the goals that need to be met.
a university experience, no regrets.

But, the city and you drift together.
Los Angeles concrete heat, the sunny weather.
tearing me away from the clouded haze
of my darkened Vancouver days.

Your mind is a remedy, a stimulant to my own.  
your environment entices me.
like a small mouse in the jungle all alone.
 or an arctic fox in a desert far from home.

your hands tickle with my backbone,
they melt the strength away.
they weave and loop a canopy of comfort.
your arms a cocoon from the obligations of today.

Its an attraction that cannot be explained.
split seconds, that I rapidly try to frame.
Its the one week stays and the thankfulness I came.
its the feelings we share that are the same.

But, I don't want to be a second thought.
that unwanted, suffocating knot.
tying you down, a struggle to unravel.

whats best for me, is not this, I know.
your my happiness on a book loan.
waiting for the due date, paying out the fines.
memories and words solely on rewind.

Is it so wrong?
to want you when I have for so long?
To say I honestly don't give a ****,
about the differences and this sad luck.

to keep the book for as long as I can,
to silence their voices, yes he's my man.
to return once more to the california sands.
and to have those quiet evenings holding hands.

Mr. Chavez, why don't you call?
I'm coming back to you, even if I fall.
I told you I loved you, please just wait.
because I will always be your best mate.