For months i would remember the rooms-
lit by the love left behind,
dimmed with the love we lost
with an ambiguity that comforted us:
i use it to hide
my despondency and hopelessness

So for months, routinely, I remembered: 

rooms where friends lingered,
rooms with our laughter echoing off the walls
with our sadness,
rooms with the screams, always haunting us
hidden from the love you emanated

I remembered your smile that lit up the darkening room
the storm approaching rapidly,
branches falling,
foreshadowing the inevitable

the rooms in which we came together
to escape the nightmares of our mind,
I remembered our last night

But tonight—as I stand and remember,
and try not to be drawn in,
I remember,

to throw my arms around your neck,
I would have to stand on the tip of my toes.

I remember that you were proud.

And as I remember the distinctive beauty
from the intrinsic knowledge that

the moment is fleeting

I realize that
the pain runs so deep
because your magnificence ran
deeper

and had it not touched us
we would not know the desolation
of its loss,

our grief never would have
turned to thankfulness that
it ever touched us at all and
we would be left awestruck
by the enigma of its torment

But for now, I’ll scream
and scream
and scream

And when I wake up,
I’ll be with  you again.