it rains
i take adderall and cannot sleep
in pursuit of upkeep of identity
my job is dirty
i have worms under my fingernails
so i drug myself to write about diet
and then i wake up to grow food
i wonder how vast your love is
if i become ugly, fully hog buried
will you truly call me a piece of you?
i have multiple identities
yours, amy's, ukelele's, mary oliver's
i have to move my eyes around to heal
bring it all up and look at it until i am steady
i am trying to decide whether i should give into rejection
not by me, not by you, but by us
the fit is not correct; too expansive, too suffocating
when i came to the warmth i lost my shell
but i gained other markers later
at first tumbling backward
but maybe it was bouncing forward
the leaves change and i am shushed
in orange i realize all exists outside of evaluation
i must only let the soft animal of my body love what it loves