I feel a sharp pain in my chest;
A numb pain.
I gasp for air that seems to not be there.
I let out a scream,
But I cannot hear a thing.
My vision gets blurry.
I cannot think.
Silence. Cold. Numbness.
Has the pain disappeared?
Has the world stopped?
Papa,
Are you there?
Can you hear my voice?
Can you feel my pain?
Do you see my tears late at night
As I reminisce our times together?
Papa,
Please tell me why.
Why did you have to leave me?
Why am I not able to feel anymore?
Why is the world still spinning?
Am I the only one whose heart is chained?
Papa,
How I wish you were still here
To answer all my questions,
To guide me through this labyrinth that is life.
Two summers ago,
you went back home.
You are now at peace but
I would give the world to have more time with you
An hour, a minute, or even a second.
Just enough time for a hug, a kiss,
an ultimate “je t’aime” and a last “bonne nuit”.
Papa,
You were my first and eternal love.
My teacher, mentor and kindest critic.
You have always been my guardian angel.
From you, I learned to walk, swim and dance
But the greatest lesson you ever taught me
Was to forgive others and believe in myself.
You held my hand as I took my first steps,
Taught me to use my brain instead of my fists.
Your intelligence, faith and dedication
Were often the source of my admiration.
You dimmed me “Queen of my heart”,
And no one shall ever take that title away from me.
My conviction and passion,
My two most prized qualities,
Are nothing but a reflection
Of your great education.
Papa,
Although my heart aches,
my mind is at ease
knowing that you are finally free.
A few months from now,
I will be starting a new chapter of my life.
One that terrifies me,
But I know you are by my side.
I hope that when you look down upon me,
All you feel is pride.
I cannot deny the pain I feel
But the joy of your memory is far greater.
I have found myself doubting my faith lately,
But for the sake of potentially seeing you again ,
I am willing to believe.