He is not to be spoken of, although many topics are covered
and I can be grateful, I suppose, because I am determined to pay for him
despite your objections, my parents who I mistakenly went to for comfort
He is, as the vet informed me, doing quite well with his treatment
and conversation about him is avoided as assiduously as if he were the
elephant in the living room
that no one sees
how many elephants have there been in our family?
Thousands, so it should be no surprise that there is now a pancreatic cat who
can live well with treatment
and if I need any reminder of the abyss that separates us, that eternal canyon
that destroyed me as a child, it is this cat, who in the last times of his life, seems rather
comfortable now with his medications and fluids and
our values, our beings are as far apart as the Snake River Canyon
a yawning space, which I wanted so much to fill as a child
and now I see men there on the other side, and I want to connect with them,
because that is what a child like me becomes as an adult
the desire to heal is there, but I will never fill that void
and can only do certain things like attend to my pancreatic cat
and avoid your wrath about him, and look over at the men
who so tempt me, who I desire not so much because of who they are
but what they represent, shadows on the landscape, like you were,
but I must learn to acknowledge my powerlessness at bridging this gap
look at the shadows, and turn away,
to what I can control, like caring for my pancreatic cat