Oct 2019
You have been through quite a lot. I have put you through quite a lot, and I wanted to say I’m sorry. You did not deserve what I put you through, yet you still remain strong which amazes me. I’m sorry for all the hurt I put on you, the sleepless nights, biting my lips until they bled, the countless meals I made you skip, and the amount of food I shoved into you. You cried out for me to stop but I didn't listen, I was trying so hard to find my voice and I wasn’t willing to listen to you.
I put you aside after he touched you where he wasn't supposed too. Everything reminded me of those nights, when I was all alone, with no one to save me. I resented you because you looked so much like him and I wanted nothing to do with it. But that wasn’t your fault and it was nothing I could control. I am sorry for not giving you a chance.
My body, you are beautiful, not too fat. You are strong, not too weak, and you have overcome such horrible things. I’m sorry I didn't feed you when you were hungry and when I kept feeding you when you had too much to eat. I’m sorry for giving you away so quickly to a boy I hardly even knew. I'm sorry for straightening my hair enough to burn it to make it look like everybody else’s, and not like his. I’m sorry for covering you up with so much makeup so I didn't have to see the same cheeky smile he has. And I'm sorry I never gave my nails a break from constant nail polish, cutting, and sanding down so my hands looked nothing like his. He broke me and I punished you for it, because you look so much like the bad guy in my dreams. And to my heart and brain, I’m sorry for not giving you the time to process the feelings, I'm sorry for not giving you the opportunity to rest and heal from it all. Instead I worked you too hard and let people walk all over us to not cause anymore chaos. There was an earthquake inside of me for so long and now what's left are beautiful mountains that I intend to climb, and hike, and enjoy the journey and reminisce on all the things that got me to where I am. Now I'll get to enjoy the view.
I will make a change to listen to you, and let you have a voice. Now I will give you the best of what you deserve and never settle for anything less. I thank God for you and I only hope that with time I will learn to love you as much my God does, and as much as my husband does. Because you are worthy of this love. And I can't wait to love you harder.
With love,
Me.
I put you aside after he touched you where he wasn't supposed too. Everything reminded me of those nights, when I was all alone, with no one to save me. I resented you because you looked so much like him and I wanted nothing to do with it. But that wasn’t your fault and it was nothing I could control. I am sorry for not giving you a chance.
My body, you are beautiful, not too fat. You are strong, not too weak, and you have overcome such horrible things. I’m sorry I didn't feed you when you were hungry and when I kept feeding you when you had too much to eat. I’m sorry for giving you away so quickly to a boy I hardly even knew. I'm sorry for straightening my hair enough to burn it to make it look like everybody else’s, and not like his. I’m sorry for covering you up with so much makeup so I didn't have to see the same cheeky smile he has. And I'm sorry I never gave my nails a break from constant nail polish, cutting, and sanding down so my hands looked nothing like his. He broke me and I punished you for it, because you look so much like the bad guy in my dreams. And to my heart and brain, I’m sorry for not giving you the time to process the feelings, I'm sorry for not giving you the opportunity to rest and heal from it all. Instead I worked you too hard and let people walk all over us to not cause anymore chaos. There was an earthquake inside of me for so long and now what's left are beautiful mountains that I intend to climb, and hike, and enjoy the journey and reminisce on all the things that got me to where I am. Now I'll get to enjoy the view.
I will make a change to listen to you, and let you have a voice. Now I will give you the best of what you deserve and never settle for anything less. I thank God for you and I only hope that with time I will learn to love you as much my God does, and as much as my husband does. Because you are worthy of this love. And I can't wait to love you harder.
With love,
Me.
