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whiskey dipped flower
Poems
Sep 2019
Sacrifical Lamb
Was it ever real?
The way we felt about that person?
Or was it a projection of something we needed, or something we wanted regardless of their emotions?
Filling the void is a task best left to the emotionless.
I, myself, had always had a complicated relationship with emotions. I either felt it all, or felt emptiness/blankness/nothingness.
Frighteningly, it was mostly the latter.
I want only to fill it, terrified that it'll destroy me, eat me alive. I fear the annihilation. The silent erasure.
But to fill it, I have to sacrifice another. I have to offer up the warm blood of a lamb to the cold gods of my chest.
I've watched his heart break. I've seen his eyes go dark. I've felt the winds change.
I'm so sorry.
But I love myself more.
I think the place to start isn't so much about asking whether it was real, but to question if it was love I was looking for initially.
I wish I could accept the nothingness and be satisfied without having to put anyone else in it.
I'm so sorry.
This is the apology I'll always be too afraid to give to you
Written by
whiskey dipped flower
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Bogdan Dragos
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