and every content sigh which escapes my lips-
let it be betrothed
to an excuse for my behavior
as your hands graze my hips,
let it be known
that i know i am replaceable,
but if it's in the moment-

yes- in every moment of
every half-awake hour of
each of those five nights since that
fateful friday when i first slept in your bed-
or, rather- laid rather quietly
as we made eye contact
and you asked permission
to hold me close, and you roamed,
warmed me with breath and hands and alcohol
but never bothered to venture to my lips-

in every moment-
if this is what this is-
if this is living in the moment,
with no need for anchors or consequence,
then do not let me be forgiven
for my lust and for my loneliness
but for now, accept the upcoming apology
which will spill from yearning lips
let me say
that i know you don't mean it
like i wish you did
and yet i lie here,
in my near-guilt, with you anyways