I found comfort in keeping every single hurt and joy and burden that i got used to it without even realizing how much scars I've made to myself, yet i blame others, telling people how they broke my heart or how they slashed me with their words. Until I understood that the  person who had hurt me the most was myself, i get to have the choices , i was the one who broke my heart, I put my own expectations to someone who should be happy with who they are, i got the choice to be hurt by their words, I chose to be molded by the rumors that i know isn't true. But I'll never know why day by day i hurt my self with standards that I should be upholding, comparing myself to someone I cannot be. Why can't I accept the fact that I am different , others can't be me and I can't  be them. Why must i always be self conscious and ostracized myself from people who are welcoming me with open arms, slapping myself with the truth seems to be not enough. I just constantly drift away with these thoughts hoping that may be one day I'll know why.