my words are smattered across the page
filling every blank space
a lengthy missive,
all to tell you
the words i couldn't speak
all to tell you
why i walked with you
so many times
why i sat in the grass
bug bitten, sweat ridden
i can tell you
it surely wasn't for anyone else
all to tell you
the songs that make me think of you
songs i’d play in my car
and pretend i didn't know
that you knew them too
all to ask you
why you stayed up talking to me
until 2am
and now we barely speak at all
all to ask you
what changed
because i'm getting quite good
at pretending
pretending i don't care what you do
pretending i don't want to walk with you
pretending your words don't affect me
pretending these words aren't for you
yet, here i am, writing these words
and i will put it in an envelope
carefully seal it
stamp it
and throw it in the fire