When I was still a young, doughy-eyed kid
Full of wonder
I learned how to properly swing a baseball bat
At a prestigious university baseball camp.

Your front toe, which was my left,
Is to be turned slightly inward,
With the bat flat against your shoulder.  
Elbows are ALWAYS down.

A team of overpaid sport scientists determined that this
Shortens the swing significantly and decreases reaction time.

But what this fails to do
Is teach someone how to make that sick, wet, visceral bat-to-ball connection,
Or how to find that sweet spot
Where the ball seems like it's been launched
From a medieval catapult.

And it also, most importantly, doesn't teach you
How to get the **** out of the way
When the pitcher maliciously throws the ball
Directly at your teeth.

That, my dear, is pure instinct.