there, your bed is rocking as it cradles another woman beneath your chest lips beneath your lips I’m not sure if I care or not I do a little bit but I signed up for this without hesitation a part of me wonders if there was hesitation in your head when you heard the front door squeak open and my bedroom light turn on, then quickly go out as I shut the door behind me you’re not loud at all but it’s 12:47 and I knew you were seeing her tonight I knew you don’t usually fall asleep this early I knew I would be coming home to this I knew I’d have to face what I thought I’d be fine facing but the ativan is kicking in boy am I glad I brought it with me and I’m not sure if I can hear her moaning or if that’s just a car vrooming past my window outside a lot of people call this kind of situation ****** up or extremely strange I don’t feel ****** up maybe I feel a little strange I’m just starting to question so much, everything it’s healthy but it’s hurting not as sharp as betrayal hurts, because I’m not being betrayed in any way it’s just the fogginess of confusion that makes you not know where you’re going and it’s that familiar stagnancy and going-in-circles routine that has begun to wring my head around and my heart too, ever so slightly but I’ll sigh instead of cry this time not because I’m forcing back tears but because I really don’t need them right now and I’m okay as long as I’m still wanting to live and truth be told, I am still wanting to live because I need nothing but myself, really that’s the truest truth there is I’m fine, though a bit torn but I’m fine and that’s basically all that matters