i wish i could be the kind of person
who talks like they're reading poetry
who doesn't have to ******* swear all the time
or who can make swearing feel like
a caress
or an eyelash
in a glove
for safekeeping
i wish i could have found the eyelash
i stashed in my glove
i wish i could stop thinking so much
i want my hands to relax
i want to stop finding scratches on my stomach in the morning
i want to wake up feeling like i didn't go to sleep 10 minutes before
i wish i had a clean room
i wish cleaning my closet
didn't mean throwing everything in a toy box
and keeping it in that closet
i wish i could stop hurting myself
every time i didn't know what to do
or was mad
or sad
or so ******* tired
that i'm not even aware of what i've done
i just wish
to be better
smaller
less boring
talented
healthy
okay.