Love seems farther away than ever.
Why do people believe in it so strongly?
Everyone I've ever loved has left me
and now I feel alone.
My parents are fraying
and soon I feel they will snap.
My siblings openly tell me they hate me.
My friends are almost non-existent
and getting closer every day.
The one that I love
looks at me like I will break at any second.
Maybe he's right.
I feel broken inside.
Like glass milliseconds before it shatters on impact.
Every time that I feel I'm ready to love
I get hurt
and I'm too afraid to try again.
Every day I see his face
and I want to love him.
But I can't.
Because my mind is stronger than my heart,
my mind says to flee from him
and my heart says run to him.
My mind and my heart war every day
sometimes winning ground
sometimes losing.
But in the process,
I hurt him.
Because he never knows
if he is allowed to love me that day.
I don't know why he sticks around for me.
Why he holds me and loves me softly.
Why he kisses me and holds me so gently
when he should be running away from me.
running away from the pain that I am bound to bring.
As long as I am around,
he will be hurt.
Over and over again.
Because I am broken,
and I can't be fixed.
My heart is shattered.
Like glass, it can never be a whole and beautiful piece again.
I am broken glass,
and if he gets close
he will be cut.
I'm sorry,
but I can not love you.