If I could tell you
What I needed to
Maybe things would finally be fixed
And you would be mine.
But my secrets stay buried
And guarded
And safe.
I wish I could tell you
How much I love you.
I wish I could describe
how hard it is for me every day
To see you and love you
And not call you mine.
I wish I could explain to you
About my past
About how I'm too scared to trust anyone
Because I've been hurt and beat down
Too many times to let someone in again.
I wish that I could let myself love you
Instead of being scared to be hurt
In the end.
I wish I could tell you
Of the friends that hurt me
And the boys that broke me
Beyond repair.
How the boys kissed me
Used me
and left me hurting.
I wish I could make you see
How the depression darkens my world
And crushes me daily.
How some days
I can't even get out of bed
With the darkness in my world.
How my anxiety makes it hard
To talk to people
To even breathe right.
I wish I could hide my burns
My cuts
My scars
From your eyes.
I wish I didn't sound so selfish
And stupid as I write this poem.
I'm not trying to.
And I think it's time
To go for good.
I'll pull the trigger.
I'll go.
I'm sorry.
I love you
Goodbye