Dear Diary,
I miss him.
Oh my God, do I miss him.
But he pushed me away because of the things I did.
I deserve it.
I was so afraid to hurt him.
When I explode like the grenade that I am,
I didn't want to hurt him too.
So I hurt him.
Now he's gone and it hurts.
I feel like he is physically hurting me
when I hear the razor-sharp edge to his voice when he talks to me.
But it's my fault.
I know this all sounds like talk from someone crazy,
but think about it, it makes sense.
A lesser pain for him
versus dealing with the empty hole that would appear in him
when my clock runs out and
I finally give myself over to the sweet unknown of death.
-Me