I cannot sleep
through the night.
I cannot breathe
from the pressure I feel.
I cannot eat
I've lost all taste.
I cannot see
the hallucinations are taking over.
I cannot function.
I just need to
stop.

But I can't.
I need to push,
to live up
to the impossible expectations.
To look perfect
and put together
for everyone.

Nothing bothers you.
Answer with,
"I'm okay."
But you're not.
They tell you,
"You're so smart."
Even when my grades are dropping
faster than I can move
to stop them.
"You're so strong."
But what they don't know,
is that I'm breaking inside.

You just can't see it.
I've learned to hide
who I am,
how I'm feeling.
I learned to appear
perfect
even when
I'm crashing
behind my perfect mask.

I'm falling behind,
and I'm so lost
and so far.
I don't know
who I am anymore.

My head is screaming
in pain
and with words.
It hurts
from what
I'm screaming inside.

I'm stressed,
I'm hurting,
I'm sad,
and I hate myself.
I'm not the perfect girl
that I'm expected to be.

Stop telling me
I'm better
and I'm smarter
than this
when I'm already pushing past my limits.
Stop telling me
I'm a mess up,
a ***** up,
a bad daughter,
sister,
friend.

Just stop.
Please.
You're just killing
and by now
I'm almost
dead.

And when you ask
if I'm "okay"
what does that even mean?
What would be the definition of
"Okay"
in this messed up,
awful, world we live in.

So no,
I am not "okay"
but at least I'm still alive.
I'm still moving.
I'm trying not to stop.
If I do
I know
that will be the end
of the awful human being
that is me.