I used to keep my baby teeth in a butterscotch tin. I guess I was making an investment in tooth-fairy stock; trying to diversify my easter bunny portfolio. Quarters: Like chocolate I could feed into a Coinstar and turn to dollar bills which I could then use to buy more chocolate.
I just, hey, I just remembered that I have a butterscotch tin filled with quarters sitting in the back of my closet right now. Funny, when things move in circles like that--I can’t even remember the last time I ate a butterscotch. Or even how my final tooth came out, which I’d think would be a milestone.
I was eating an egg-salad sandwich when I lost one of the last ones-- I just took a bite and one tooth stayed behind. For weeks I couldn’t even look at a sandwich, I just kept thinking about the disturbing look of blood on mayonnaise. I wonder if there’s much business for the tooth fairy these days-- my dad, winding blue ribbons around small stacks of quarters so they’d look nice; my dad, stepping on LEGOs in the dark and stifling swears; my dad, navigating bedroom geography to make a swift exchange while I slept and turned a tidy profit, trading old small parts for riches and a grown-up mouth. Now I wonder what they did with my wisdom teeth, after they pulled them out last year. Were they drilled out, finally, into dust? Or did a dental surgeon slip some pilfered teeth beneath his pillow on the sly, turning one last profit out of my face, the summer someone noticed I needed a grown-up mouth?
All I know is that for days I stayed at home moaning into my pillow, strung out on percocet and eating anything that could be sipped through a straw. (It was only then I discovered the Sonic had stopped serving butterscotch shakes--years ago, apparently. You’d think I’d have noticed. But then, you’d think I’d notice lots of things.)
I wonder how much my teeth would be worth now. I wonder if the tooth-fairy has adjusted for inflation. I still get excited over stray quarters, but now I guess I just have to find them on the street like everyone else does.
It's been awhile. I stopped posting about a year ago for reasons. I'm not dead.