Sometimes I feel guilty; guilty of feeling bad. I feel like I didn't have the right to feel bad. I have so many things to say, yet, don't say a single ****. Sometimes I feel so alone... I guess im not, I'm surrounded by loneliness. I feel like I'm heeled, yet, everyday, the same scarf comes open. Everyday I walk to my death sentence. In those moments, I hope I actually die, but here I am, still alive. Sometimes I'm afraid of been alive, afraid to live another day, knowing that if I do, there'll only be pain. Some days, I feel I'm not ready to stay alive. I scream my pain so hard, yet, no one seems to hear me. I feel guilty because sometimes I don't even feel anything and say I'm in pain. I feel like people don't understand me. No one does. Not even me. But I don't understand anyone neither. Society creates rules that can't be followed because people aren't a group, but individuals put together. I always drown the pain I'm not feeling. I feel I'm mourning someone else's happiness. Sometimes I feel I'm carrying a weight I can't hold. Sometimes it's just so ******* hard to exist. Sometimes there's just nothing good about that day. Sometimes I'm not even strong enough to be weak. Sometimes I feel I'm never enough. No one seems to choose me. I'm there just to make people laugh. But I don't matter. People just laugh and forget about me. Im drowning in my fake pain that I wished I felt. I'm not in pain because it doesn't feel real anymore. I feel I'm meant to outstand, but I can't even feel sad. I keep letting down people, letting down myself. I can't feel anymore. I'm trying so hard but I just can't.