Repressed and Depressed

I am alive but don’t like living
I feel that I am only giving
Life has become an odd existence
Because I am afraid I give too much resistance
I do not let others inside for the fear of losing all my pride
I fear to lose all I have but I drive away those that want to give
I feel worthless I feel ashamed that I cannot just reclaim the happiness that
Is inside behind the wall and foolish pride. I try to give to others first as long as I
Am not close to them I can manage to always help them when I must open to others
My mind always tends to shutter, I close off to world missing out on all who care only so that I don’t have to share.
My inner thoughts are seldom good they often tend to create dead wood.
I cannot say that any one should care for you see I will not want to bare my thought because I lack the
Idea that I am worth a friend’s appeal.
I do not like to think about all the friends that I close out I blame the lack of connection on others unwillingness and connection.
But as I ponder more and more I see that I am need to open up my door and let my friends and family in so I can live and not die within.


By Al Melaskev