I imagined it to be like when you were five and scared of the dark you wanted to be brave, to turn out the light and go to sleep but you also wanted to run away from the monster in the dark but this time the monster was inside you and not only a monster possessed your being, but chemicals and sadness and fears too
and it's not a case of "curiosity killed the cat" here because this wasn't your wrongdoing you were merely diagnosed with that C word that's hard to say no, not curiosity, with five syllables that proves easier to say than two- which leaves doctors baffled
but you fought on kind of like the princess-turned-ninja you pretended to be at seven and eventually that C word ran away, and took its curiosity with it and it didn't **** the cat at sixteen