Dear Heartbreak

I know I have a cold exterior,
And that sometimes seems as if I have no emotions,
Sometimes I don’t.
I know that I’m not an easy person to be with,
I’m busy,
I’m stressed,
I’m erratic,
And quite frankly I’m a mess.
I know you wanted my attention,
And I should have given you more.
The entire time I was with you I felt terrible,
Because I knew you deserved better.

However,
Despite my cold exterior,
And despite how I may appear,
I am incredibly sensitive.
And I’m in pain all the time,
In order to survive,
I have learned to shut myself off from the world.
A walled garden,
A safe place,
A cocoon around my heart.

Then I met you,
And your warmth was my salvation.
For once I didn’t feel lonely,
For once my life wasn’t grey.
You made my pain bearable,
And for brief moments, you made the pain go away.
Slowly but surely,
My walls came down,
The cocoon started to unravel,
I was learning to trust,
And ready to let you in.

That’s why it hurts,
So much.
That as soon as I was ready to be vulnerable,
You say it must come to an end.

Once again, my walls come up,
And the cocoon around my heart is sealed.
All that’s left are beautiful memories,
That will never be lived again.

Don’t get me wrong,
I thank you,
And I am grateful for this pain.
It only increases my capacity to love,
Once I’m ready to trust again.

Goodbye Cyclops

Sam Wilkinson