We hear about ****** assualt more these days, and yes that has happened; Me, too. But we don't talk as much about the near misses. The time when I said no and he tried a few times and gave up Or the times I said no and he put himself inside me for just a moment before rolling off Or the times I said no and he put himself inside me for a few minutes Until I grew louder and pushed him off. The time with my boyfriend when I consented But half way through his mood changed and it did not feel loving Or respectful. It felt vindictive And cold and he must have felt my body Tense But he continued anyway. Or the times Too many to count with my husband That I participated because I knew resisting would Lead to an argument Or anger and sometimes Aggression. Was that ****, too? I don't tally it under the same column. But it wasn't fun. And I think about it often. And my body feels fluish. Like the sense you get that a cold is coming on. But it never fully surfaces So I can never fully recover.