why i can not
ever be,
fully happy.

because,
within one mile
of leaving
my home for
work in the
mornings,
there is always
road ****
that my eyes
always find
and that my heart
aches and
breaks for.

within one mile
of leaving
my home to
'hopefully',
start a fresh day
happy and
smiling just,
never
lasts long enough.

that one image
of death,
no matter how
insignificant that
you may think
that;
squirrel's
rabbit's
cat's
bird's
life is to you,
means something
totally different
to me!

that's a life;
period
end of story!

a life that
suffered.
a life which
i wish that
i could restore.

and my sadness
overwhelms me
knowing full well
that i do not
harness that type
of power and that
tomorrow this
will only be,
deja vu.

i think to myself;
why am i
still here?
what have i
done to deserve
to still walk
this earth?
why must
others suffer so?
whether they
be man, pet
or beast,
why must
they suffer?

it's then
i think;

here i am,
lying in bed with;

a roof over
my head.
food in my
pantry and
refrigerator.
water to hydrate
myself with.
a family that
loves me.

why?!?!

why do i
deserve these
things?!?!

and why do
the roakill
and every other
starving,
thirsty,
homeless,
unloved deserve
their fate?

why?!?!

this is why
i can never
be happy,
REALLY happy
because i will
never allow
myself to be
happy because
of all of the
death
cruelty
and unhappy
events around
me.

my heart has
been broken
beyond repair
but as a sponge
it still
works great...

sadly for me
and my
unhappy life.