I know how it feels now
- Home

Hens pecking
sunlit earth
lazy shadows on familiar journeys
I know those hens
I know those walls
I know how slow Time can be
when shadows and light linger together
in smooth, warm stone

I know how Home feels before it is gone
before all this was undone
the ripping apart
the tearing asunder
the plunder
the going under
I know places where Home is not.

I know cold walls
unlit by shadow,
defiled by iron,
umbilical chains I cannot escape
the Others fading
the absence of hope
I know what it is to know they'll be shot
whilst I will be spared
because my body is young
and strong
I know what it is to be granted life
so as to work
for those I abhor, despise, detest
I know what it is to be breaking stones
to be breaking bones
for Them.
I know it can not be endured
I know.
And yet it is so.

Surprise me, you say
What next?

There is more.
I know what it is to be Not yet Done,
not even begun.

The strange misty calm of peace in a field
slowly descending as I know I lie dying
The ragged, fist-size hole in my chest
unexpectedly large (“where is my heart?”)
snagging,
stopping me
catching the wind
clutching my mind
bringing me back
I repel
I resist
I reject
I rebuff
I shall never be taken
I will never give in
I will not let go
I have not yet finished
I've not even begun
Rigor mortis is killing me, gripping me, stopping me breathing
I am suspended forever in my own dying clutches
Every fibre refusing to resign to Love
refusing to return to those above
My work is not done
not yet.

I shall never abandon what happened here
in this field and in all the others.
It shall not be forgotten
I shall never resign
I will not let this pass.

I know too the gentle roar of 'No More'
The rising tide, the tiger's wave
gathering pace, gathering force
lapping the feet of evil.
One by one they all dissolve
drawn down - drawn up - by the surging waters
There is only one wave
There is only one ocean
roll on wave
roll on
roll on

I know the tug of waterlogged oars
and a raft that outlived its purpose.
I know the place where hens peck the earth,
where shadow, sunshine and stone are as one
An alchemical blending of rage and peace
I know dancing columns of a thousand flies
a thousand miles high
lit up by the sun
I know how it feels
When it's done.