But it’s not about that, is it.
It’s about being happy, happy with yourself.
Being able to recognize the reflection on the mirror.
Loving your children for being a part of you.
But the fog, and the haze, and the voices in your head, get in the way.
Making you feel inadequate, they bring up the past, leaving no room for the future.
Oh what I would give for peace, for an uncluttered mind.
Should be easy, you say.
There is mindfulness, there is yoga, another language perhaps.
Oh, GOD, yes, GOD. The almighty who made the heavens and the earth.
Who created me, who wants me to worship him, who wants me to praise his name.
But that’s where it stops, I can’t go on, because blasphemy.
Afraid to call him out, punishment, death.
So back to square one, laying on my bed, trying to find the answer in my head.
Day by day, the thoughts go on, and the answer always is.
I’m always left alone.