If I could only dream of blissfulness.
Oblivion and oddity riddle my sleeping mind
and my closed eyes make
hallucinations
which never seem to fade.
The shutters open, mother draws the curtains
but still the shadows dart beneath the bookcase.

We drank myself into an unbreakable stupor
and just a year since I vowed to feel nothing in extreme,
I could not cry if I tried.

And trust me, I try.
But things change, I've changed. While all you remain
and wonder why I'm throwing my life away.

I only breathe when I sing,
feel the rain on my skin and the warmth of the sun
and
with your fingers through my hair I am happy again.

But love or fear is not an option.
Only eventual dreamless death.