Gambling, gambling with my life Rolling dice to leave the knife Medication comes and goes What will work, well no one knows Round and round and round I spin Playing games no one can win Getting dizzy till I fall Wondering how to stand at all Lock me in this place at night Make me swear that you are right Let me out to see the sun Just to find it’s not the one Throw me back into your jail Wait until you post the bail To see that it’s much to high When can I just say goodbye Make me swear these oaths of peace Even though this pain won’t cease Just to let yourself get sleep While I lie awake and weep Watch the sun rise bright blood red Giving light to what I dread There is nowhere left to hide When my head and heart collide So I struggle in this strife Gambling, gambling with my life
I wrote this in a psychiatric hospital after a long and painful journey about my frustrations with my mental illness and medications.