it's unsettling to realize
that with the strength of continuing to exist
meant distracting myself
whenever it feels too confined
and that's not to say that I've lived a life devoid of joy
but the fear of making the same mistakes again
had rendered me incapable of letting anyone in
and I have no more sentiments to spare

it feels lonely, but safe
and it's fully heartbreaking to think
that I really tried to live this time,
I really tried and I know it showed
but everything seems forged